This is a message to myself and to every one else.
As for me, I am not, and never will, try to please anyone but myself.
If I like to change, it’s not because I want to look beautiful in other people’s eyes.. It’s just that I want to feel and be beautiful.
Because of a demanding work (here’s a tip: don’t ever work in a Japanese company, trust me), I tend to jeopardize my health and my appearance too.
For the first year, I was happy I gained weight. From never reaching 45kg to 52kg. I tell you, it was an achievement for me. Ever since high school up until college, my weight wouldn’t reach 45kg.
And then the demand of work stepped in. All over time, the stress of work brought me, the simple-but-superiors-made-it-like-it-was-really-complicated things, the hassle of lining up for MRT every single day, the 2-hour commute time to and from the office, and everything in between.. All of these made me sick. So my weight dropped to 47kg again. Not only that, I already have a hollow in my cheeks and darkened eye bags. See? I am stressed.
I tend to say that I am in a diet, but in reality I am not. It’s just that I don’t have an appetite to eat up.
So please, if I say I want change, just support me in every possible way. I don’t need people mocking me, or insisting that I don’t need such things, I tell you one thing: You don’t know how or what do I feel and you will never be. It’s not for you nor for somebody else. IT’S FOR ME.